25 lessons I've learned in 2023:

11/24/2023

25 is a new fun number for me. December 25th will be here before we know it (10 days till Christmas, but who's counting?!) and it's one of the most important moments in history to celebrate. It changed everything!

I, myself, rode into my own 25 years of life this year, and there was so much good, hard, and sweet that finally came to fruition (or realization) to.

With 25, there is so much to look forward to, reflect back upon, and simply live into. Let's keep the magic 25 rolling!

For this blog, I'm sharing 25 lessons I've learned in the past year because learning doesn't happen from experience but reflecting on experience. Let's dive in:

People are more interesting than you think. If you truly care about someone and want to know him/her, the why is just as important as the what. If you are doing it authentically, I've found that it usually takes a couple of follow up questions to gain understanding.

...and sometimes, it requires walking right into the fire with them. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Leadership has been one of the most exciting and rewarding yet exhausting and challenging decision I stepped into at a larger capacity this year. It can be easy to do something exactly the way you want to do something obviously, but leadership isn't about you...

It's about teaching someone how to fish rather than serving them dinner. Once they learn to catch, it's so fun to see the amount of people we can serve together!
(Eating alone is lame anyways. Let's go fishing.)

This is one that I've thought about quite a bit in the past couple months. It was inspired by a leadership podcast (link at bottom) I listened to by Craig Groeschel.

In the podcast, Craig defined and discussed momentum; he landed with his opinion that spiritual momentum has been the strongest out of all types of momentum. Spiritual momentum poured motivation and success into other areas of his life.

When I study the life of Jesus, it becomes increasingly more obvious that it was all around serving others. Whether you are religious or not, I believe that sustainable momentum in your life requires a vision that is others-focused rather than self-focused.

I may sound like a broken record if you've read my other blogposts or have simply met me, but here me out - "the only way to find balance is to learn what out of balance looks/feels like." -(I think my CEO?).

And to get even more quote-y on you, "life is like riding a bike; the only way to keep your balance Is to keep on moving." (Albert Einstein).

If you are anything like me in this area, this is a truth that needs to be reminded of and learned the hard way several times a year. One of the things I've implemented on my Saturdays is a "type of day" inspired by a colleague: a rot day (n): a day without an agenda, and full of spontaneity, rest, and owning your peace rather than your schedule.

On some rot days, I get work done and play catch up. On other rot days, I go on a long walk on the beach with no guilt or timeline. Maybe I call a friend I haven't talked to in a while... or start brainstorming a blog. Rot days are the best.

*Everyone has the same number of hours in a day, so find time to rot.

One thing I'm realizing at a greater scale is how upside down the kingdom of God is. The kingdom of God is the #1 topic talked most about in Jesus's teachings. In my opinion (and conviction), we can't call ourselves Christians without examining what he is trying to tell us.

My company launched our generosity and stewardship branch this year and I couldn't be more excited about the heart behind it, the people at the frontlines of it, and the impact to be generated from it. In a world where money is perceived as a sensitive and private matter, it's time to bring it into the light. Why?

Because where your money is there your heart is. - Matthew 6:21

Second to teachings of the kingdom of God, Jesus talks about money as the most frequently. When we recognize that money isn't our master, and our master is the giver of it all in the first place, it changes everything. Implementation? Oof. More on that later down, keep reading.

You may think this seems like the most obvious lesson, but it has been one of the most challenging truths, and probably one that I will have to consistently remind myself of as our company grows.

There's something about setting intentional time to open up a book and grow yourself. Me and my friends joke that I need help because all my books fall in the genre/realm of leadership, spiritual health, and personal growth...it's borderline self-help (I like to think of it as self-growth).

I don't care, though. I've learned so much in the past couple months. I made it a goal to read two leadership books by the end of this year, and there are so many nuggets of wisdom that I've been able to apply to my work practically and my mindset/thought-life personally.

Read that two more times and go in with an open mindset about it. If you don't believe me, do some research for yourself. I used to have this mentality that every workout should be 100% effort. I inaccurately aligned the definition of 100% effort with 100% exertion in my mind.

Depending on the season of life you are in, there are going to be busy days when less sleep is involved. I've found that when I modify my workout to something slightly lower in intensity whether that be the length of the workout or the type of workout, I'm better able to manage my energy and stress levels to perform consistently.

* when I think of "season" I think more of rhythm rather than balance now. It is impossible to be balanced in every season, so when you learn to embrace the rhythm of the season rather than seeking balance, you can modify and adjust based on what the season demands.

I had a client talk to me about this while I was working on this practice of talking to God daily, even if it is just for 5 minutes.

For me, meditation is not stripping my mind to zero thoughts. I've personally found that impossible.

Instead, I focus on what is important. For me, I like to meditate on gratitude or the glory of God. While I'd love to say I'm perfect at it, this is one of the hardest habits that I've been trying to build this year. For me, the best time to meditate is early in the morning when there are minimal distractions. It's a great way to ground yourself before starting the day and entering the unknown chaos.

I think it's wild how my relationship with my parents have changed as I've grown up. I've appreciated the conversations we get to have now. They still drive me insane at times, but I'm sure they also feel the same way about me so I guess we are even.

Learn to be the most positive person in the room and see what happens.

I've learned this the most as I reflected on being a cycle instructor for the past five years. Whether it is 5am in the morning or 6:30pm in the evening, riders are coming to class to feel better on their way out than how they walked in. No matter how my day has started or has gone, it's a discipline to learn to find authenticity and positivity despite circumstance. This is a muscle I've been able to carry forward into other aspects and relationships in my life.

No one likes to be that one who confronts or pushes against someone's beliefs or ideas (unless you are a type eight on the enneagram). For someone with people-pleasing characteristics, this has been a challenge.

Obviously, there is a contextual piece to consider, but I've learned how to step out and push back on ideas when I don't agree or desire to understand more. If you have true friends and good people in your life, they will appreciate the thoughtful conversations that come out of it, no matter the result.

I feel like the problem with church and corporate worship isn't that people don't go in with expectations of what church should be, but because they have a misunderstanding of the purpose of church is.*** Many over-expect what to get out of it. At least that was for me.

When you tap into the truth that church is a gathering place to take communion together, learn from each other, worship together, and nothing else than that, you realize how important community group and building relationships with those within your home is everything. While spiritual transformation and radical revelation can definitely happen at church, I've found that it is in the mundane moments at home laughing with roommates or prayer sessions with community group where the Lord is closest.

***Sermon listed below on worship.

It wasn't completely obvious to me in the beginning. I said this because I was one and I felt what it was like to be one of the only women in the room.

This year, however, was when I saw it in other women in finance - how skilled they can become, how natural they interact in this space, and how needed it is in this world where finance and the desire for financial peace applies to everyone.

This will definitely be a life mantra of mine till the end of time. It helps set a good framework mentally to prepare for the inevitable fails, but then also a reminder to reflect on how to move forward better, stronger, and more equipped from the learning of each failure.

I felt this deeply in 2023 when I was studying for an exam I just couldn't seem to pass. After my third fail, I had to wait six months to re-take it and I was so distraught...borderline depressed.

While it was extremely heartbreaking and discouraging, it was equally humbling and learning. My dad asked me what I was going to do about it after I failed for my third time - "It's not about the destination but about the journey. You will have a story to tell that you can connect on with others after you pass. So, keep going." Don't we love when fathers have all the answers?

Try it. Nothing like a good howdy groovy!

In Adam Grant's book, Give and Take, the author spends an entire chapter on volunteering and giving. The research breaks down to how "100 seems to be the magic number when it comes to giving" in a study of more than two thousand Australian adults in their mid-sixties. They were "happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who volunteered fewer than 100 or more than eight hundred hours annually" (Grant, 173).

100 hours breaks down to 2 hours a week. Everyone can do that, and communities sure need more hands to help.

And like anything else that is uncomfortable, a good place to start is to start. I've learned that it may not begin with a cheerful heart but a curious heart, and that's okay. Transformation takes time.

I was in a sermon at my church where the pastor shared how the average Christian gives about 4% of his/her annual gross income. This really surprised me. Rather than seeking general judgement, I looked into my own personal budget to understand how much I gave, and it was right above 2%.

A pattern I notice as a financial planner is that the more money people make, the more they spend. It is those who can stay within their means of living as their income grows who are the ones who can build healthy disciplines around their spending and giving. "Surprisingly as it seems, people who give more go to earn more...research shows that giving can boost happiness and meaning, motivating people to work harder to earn more money." (Grant 183).

This practice of generosity really goes back to reflection 5 at it's foundation for me. If you truly believe that nothing was yours in the first place, and everything is a gift from above, it should alter the way you view everything in life, including your money.

I'm challenging myself in 2024 in prioritizing and aligning my giving because when I reflect on my life from opportunities to relationships I have been blessed with, it requires a response that bears much greater than 2%.

There was a season this year where I felt crippled with anxiety - on the verge of crying at any corner, overthinking everything yet being rash with responses at times, and becoming a person who I was not all that proud of.

I also saw this anxiety come out in others but for different reasons. I couldn't fully understand the anxiety when rooted from a reason that I didn't struggle with...that is until I experienced the anxiety for myself on something that others didn't deal with. Rather than meeting others at envy, I learned to meet them with empathy.

When you can start there, you don't need to understand the root, but moreover learn to understand the person. Being a friend and encourager became significantly simpler when I came at it at this way and asked more questions (reflection 1).

To be clear, work is not your identity, but definitely an expression of it. I heard this in a sermon on sabbath; while we were created to work, having a day of rest was built into the fabric of existence for many reasons. I think one of those reasons was to understand that work can stop, and life goes on because life is more than your work.

This is easier to say than to implement, especially in busier seasons of work when I feel like it is taking all my life. I've learned to make room for meditation and involvement in extracurriculars outside of work whether that be church, volunteering, community group, or rot days, and let me tell you - it has been a game changer.

This is not just for you, but also for others. I've definitely given my fair share of rants to my roommates or boss, but this year I've experienced others go through difficult times. I've found how helpful it can be to offer someone space to have a good rant or breakdown.

*I'm not saying that it is a good habit to make this routine or practice, but just another lesson learned about meeting people at empathy and acknowledging other's emotions and your emotions because, after all, we are all human.

This kind of just came out of my mouth while I was teaching a spin class on gratitude in November, and I found it such a good phrase to preach to myself this year and next year when I get antsy or impatient.

Gratitude isn't about dwelling in the past nor expecting a plan for the future but learning to live in the present with both the past and future in mind. I've found that when I live too much in the expectant, I easily let myself down.

Yeah, this is why my word of 2024 (stay tuned!) has an action plan to it, but let's just say that we need to be off the social media for a hot minute. To let you indulge in moderation, here are a few of my favorites:

God sees us as precious like diamonds. Diamonds aren't created with luxury cultures of comfort and complacency but with intense and high-pressure environments... not to forget that they take a longggggg time to form (billions of years).

Sometimes it feels like a billion of years to get to where I want to be or go; I've felt that in various areas of my life. Dallas Willard says that the main thing God can get out of us is who we become. If God truly wants what it is best for us, the timing is intentional, so I'm learning to trust Him in that. I hope you will, too.

Inspiration

Give and Take by Adam Grant (book)

https://a.co/d/b0yWBwW

The 4 Factors that Fuel Momentum with Craig Groeschel (podcast)

https://youtu.be/OeLVj04kehc?si=n6IlwqO19NOphy9q

Worshippers the Father Seeks (Darren Rouanzoin)

https://gardenchurch.subspla.sh/ywrqsnz

some 2023 highlights

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