A circular blog

Ready to go full circle? Let's div​e in.

I'm in a moral dilemma.

​This month, I contemplated cheating on a test. Yep, not one of my high peaks in my life, but a real thought that stirred my mind. It was an online exam, and there was no way the professor would know of the other windows floating around her students' browsers. I had an 89.5 in the class, and cheating seemed like the easy way out. 

Long story short, I came to my senses and didn't cheat. Instead, I made a pact with a friend to do the right thing, and so all good, right? Not so much. I ended up getting a grade that I didn't feel like I deserved after answering all the questions with confidence from studying hard. Taking the test felt good because I was prepared and able to explain all the concepts with ease. It was a hard hit when scores were posted a week later.

The professor went over the exam in class, and I could safely say that many of us were appalled with the specificity she was expecting on the essay questions. It was as if she was encouraging an open book exam! However, for the most part, while students were aggravated and confused to an extent, they were unconcerned after a certain point. For me, it was different. I knew that what was running through my mind needed some sorting through.

Full disclosure — I've received one B in college, which I then pass/failed. It's not that I'm rocket-science smart, but that grades have always been a reflection of my effort. Getting A's are important to me because I like to see the results of hard work and time I put into learning. When I get less than what I expect, it's a wake-up call to see what could be improved. However, what was extremely hard to replay last month was that I was so desperate for a letter grade to say that I was in a "moral dilemma." Cheating is wrong, and that is that. To do the right thing and put in 100% effort but not see the results wasn't easy, though. 

This whole situation made me wonder. My best friend reminded me to use this time to reflect on what I'm idolizing and prioritizing — goals and motivations, grades and achievements, food and fitness, fun and friends, etc. 

let's get nerdy

​I’ve been going on walks way more than usual to avoid going stir-crazy. During one of my walks, I started thinking about my research class. Whether we are aware of it or not, we are performing research each day; we question why certain things happen, interact with our friends and family to understand, and form conclusions based on our previous knowledge, upbringings, and experiences. 
 
What sets scientific research apart from what we do daily is that these experiments isolate other factors to understand how one variable (the independent variable) affects another (dependent variable). Control is key. Without control, the results are not conclusive because there’s an uncertainty of other variables coming into play. 
 
This pandemic has definitely been a variable that has been affecting everybody’s lives in different ways. From long walks and conversations with friends, I've been revealed of the different struggles that arose from the same cause. Maybe the cause isn’t coming from the independent variable but the mediating variable, which relates to both the independent and dependent.

​​This may be a stretch. If you're confused, I understand. Let me try to clarify:

A mediating variable is another factor that results from the independent variable and then causes the dependent variable. In other words, the mediating variable connects the two variables. It's part of how this pandemic is inflicting struggle in so many dimensions for people. 

Here's the problem — how can a variable be "change" when research is all about control? To observe "change" in a controlled experiment is impossible because tested variables must be isolated. Simply put, you can't mess with change, but the essence of the pandemic seems to be precisely that. COVID-19 has caused a shift in our lives that forced us to change our ways, circumstances, and overall lifestyle. The consequences result in both rapid growth and rampant struggle. 

Because of this pandemic, school went online, and this change has been a difficult transition.
Because of this pandemic, we are stuck at home in close quarters with our loved ones, and this change has resulted in fighting. 
Because of this pandemic, I can't see my friends at work, and this change has made me lonely.

What if we stopped chasing the things that are changing, and instead,
​fixed our eyes on the only unchanging one — God. 

Searching for a scientific equation or identifying variables that are causing struggle does not get us anywhere when change is the name of the game. If control is fundamental, then we need to fix our eyes on what will always stay the same.  

How do we get there? Intervene yet another mediating variable that could potentially help us alter the outcome of struggle. 

If we can't control the variable of change, what if we controlled how we approached and handled the change happening in our lives? Let's focus that mediating variable on the Lord. How do I know that this is the only way? Because He is the only one who is unchanging during this time. When we choose to found our purpose on anything but the Lord, we set ourselves up for hurt and failure. 

I'm not a genius; I'm only someone who really struggled this past month placing my happiness at the core of my life. This mentality of trying to fix things only made them fall apart more. With all the unprecedented change, I could never fully isolate my focus on happiness and perfectionism. It's not that we don't struggle with maintaining our focus daily, but this pandemic has amplified the struggle. Hope lies in the belief that there's a silver lining to everything. For me, I've been able to better see where I house my priorities.
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Take his word

If you are still unconvinced that God is the answer, don’t take my words; resort to the only Word that matters. The Bible talks about God’s incommunicable attribute of unchangeableness. I’ve never heard of the term “incommunicable and communicable attributes” until reading this book called The Bible Doctrine. The author, Wayne Grudem, has helped me operationalize concepts and ideas of Scripture  that have aided in my understanding of who God is.

Incommunicable Attribute: an attribute that God does not share with us. (i.e., eternity—God exists for eternity, and we do not, unchangeableness, etc.)

Operational Definition of Unchangeableness (Immutability): “God is unchanging in his being, perfections (attributes and character), purposes, and promises, yet God does act and feel emotions, and he acts and feels differently in response to different situations" (Grudem 73).

​God doesn’t change—not in his 
being (Psalms 102: 25-27), 
perfections (Mal 3:6), 
purposes (Psalms 33:11/Matt 13:35, 25:34/ Eph 1:4,11/ 2 Tim 2:19/ 1 Peter 1:20/ Rev 13:8), or 
​promises (Num 23:19/1 Sam 15:29)

You’re not losing your purpose. You’re losing your drive.

​​Make the Lord your purpose. These verses above are a perfect way to prioritize time to pray and dive into God’s Word by learning more about His unchanging character. You will see that He is written in all of our hearts (Romans 2:15), and when we learn more about his purpose, our purpose in Him begins to take hold. The drive to be motivated to prioritize him may come with time, so we must be patient.

However, this sense of purposelessness that has seemed to plague many this month is not real. This pandemic may try to tell you that you don’t have a purpose because of how it is affecting your work, school, and lifestyle, but I assure you (because He tells us) that you do. Don’t be discouraged if that drive in your life has diminished because that’s not a problem. It’ll come back. What matters is that you have a purpose. 

…if you're still feeling purposeless, check the purpose itself. Retrace what's happened this month that has made you feel that way:

• Purpose gone because you got laid off your job? That makes sense when you put everything, including your identity, in your career (Your job should give you a sense of purpose, but it shouldn't be your ultimate purpose).
• Purpose gone in a grade failed? Well, if you failed, that does make sense because you made your grade a reflection of who you are (New mindset — that letter doesn't take away from the drive you gave in trying your best).
• Purpose gone in being happy? Well, that makes sense if you are feeling anxious and sad and overwhelmed and angry (How do you define happiness?).

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***This doesn't mean that the emotions we are feeling in losing our jobs and having to radically change our lifestyles are invalid because they are not the ultimate focus of our lives. All of us are going through some degree of grief in the loss of what used to be, and we shouldn't push those emotions away. What's beautiful about Christianity is that it's the only belief system that says that God is both infinite and personal. Even though He is not subject to any limitations of humanity (mighty and powerful beyond understanding), He cares for us and is relatable in that He knows us fully. He understands our emotions, for he is the Creator of them, and certainly feels them as well.
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Passion Drives Purpose

​So here we are learning that our purpose must be anchored in our Lord, but also our drive. We have gone full circle, friends — Drive. Purpose. God. Keep it the same. (*sigh). That’s hard though because if we believe we are losing our drive, then how do we keep our eyes set on the purpose?  

How do we get that drive back?
Passion is the answer — in both the emotion that is strong enough to get us fired up, but also rememberance of the suffering and death of Jesus Christ. Passion drives Purpose (and vice versa, to be honest).

It’s interesting that passion also means “to suffer” because when I think about passion, it's the thing that propels us forward, and drives our purpose. Let's pray for our passion for the Lord to grow our purpose in Him. 

​Where do we go from here? 

Well, to maintain the essence of this circular blog, we are just moving in circles which seems a little discouraging, but I promise, we are getting somewhere: ​

​For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. 

Romans 11:36

1. One practical way is to focus your drive and purpose on the Lord by trusting who He says He is in Scripture. Have faith that all things come from the Lord, as he set the foundations of this Earth (Psalm 90:2) knowing all that would become of it, even this pandemic. 

 

1. Remember that even amid all this change, God’s being, perfections, purposes, and promises do not. It’s written in Scripture, and we believe that Scripture proves itself to be God’s Words. (Speak of another circular argument***)

 
***We believe that Scripture is God’s Words because it claims to be that, and we believe its claims because Scripture is God’s Word. To conclude, God’s Word is Scripture, and Scripture is God’s Word.
​

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Openness comes with acceptance.

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​These two practical applications require two things: a Bible, and a leap of faith (pray!). I think us Christians can be seen as unintelligent to some extent because every day requires a leap of faith to return to the Lord and ask for his strength to be ours. However, I don’t think that this is unintelligence, but instead an act of humility in realizing our intelligence will never be our Lord’s. As my good ole’ virtual yoga instructor said the other day, “Openness comes with acceptance. So acknowledge wherever you are, be open to it, accept it, appreciate it, and choose to release it or keep it” ("C2 Inversion Practice with Adrianne D," Corepower Yoga).
 
As I have been spending time with the Lord, one takeaway that has been an encouragement to me is that He really is looking out for the best of us. He is protecting us in his peace that can only withstand circumstances like these because He knows and He cares. 
 
To conclude, I wanted to share this really cool moment I had when all these thoughts started to form this blog while I was on that walk. As I was nearing my house, my Spotify playlist began to pick songs similar to those on my “best day ever” playlist because I already shuffled through all of the ones listed. As I was listening to the words of this new song, it was truly an answer to a prayer. 
 
The song, “Only ever” began to play.  I tuned into the words, and goosebumps raised on my arms. Don’t get me wrong, I know that every Christian song can be argued applicable no matter what season of life you’re in, but this one was so specific to my prayers, quiet times, and reading I’ve been doing on God’s incommunicable attribute of unchangeableness.  This is so important (God' s unchangeableness) to the Christian religion because without it, the religion begins to fall apart. 

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If we stop for a moment to imagine what it would be like if God could change, the importance of this doctrine becomes more clear. For example, if God could change, then any change would be either for the better or for the worse. But if God changed for the better, then he was not the best possible being when we first trusted him.  And how could we be sure that he is the best possible being now? But if God could change for the worse, then what kind of God might he become?... How could we ever trust such a God who could change? How could we ever commit our lives to him?

 The Bible Doctrine (Grudem 75)

When I unlocked my phone to save the song to my playlist, I was convinced of God’s presence as I looked at the picture of the album cover — a circle.  Maybe coincidence, but definitely a connection worth hanging onto. God is so near. 
 
Give it a listen. New month, new mindset.  Oh and also because I can, May the Fourth be with you.

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