Life's beautiful uncertainty

I don't expect you to understand what's going on in this collage I made.  I mean, honestly, I don't even really know what's happening.  I kind of just starting flipping through an Anthropologie magazine to find some aesthetically pleasing pictures I could cut out to make a collage.  

I set an intention to relax today.  It's been a crazy week of change, and I finally made it to Fall Break.  I wanted to create something that reflected my week, but nothing in the magazine would do. 

That's when I decided to simply place pictures together, and two hours later, I have something I hope I can look back on and remember. Even though at first I didn't think it was possibly that I could make Anthropologie images relate to what has happened these past weeks, I took a deeper look at my collage. 

That's when I realized that what I created was a lot like life as we know it.  We like to have structure, and purpose in everything we do even before we do it.  We like to know what we are going to be, and how we are going to get there.  We want our lives completely planned out.  We spend so much time focusing on what's to come that sometimes, we forget the beauty in the process.

 
Maybe life is trying to tell us that we need to stop reaching for the end, and start living in the moment.  Maybe life's uncertainty is the most beautiful part of living; we don't know exactly why things happen in our lives, but it's really all part of something bigger, and more beautiful; and sometimes, we need to just press into the struggles and unexpected life circumstances to get to the end masterpiece or collage that finally makes sense.

The stars coming out of the lit candles represent my journey in becoming a Cyclestar; that's what Cyclebar calls their spin instructors.  I have been working with Glenn, a Cyclestar to learn not only how to ride a bike correctly, but how to create an experience for the riders in the crowd.  Glenn told me I'm the actress and the riders are the audience.  He's teaching me how to be intentional and make my words mean something, something worth more than the $20 they paid to come to my class.  Cycling is a hobby I took on in college that lights a fire in my soul, and motivates me to make an impact in others. That's why the gold stars are coming out of the candle in my collage. Did I plan that? Nope.

There's a girl contemplating her life in my collage, too.  She is looking up to the "Follow your heart" motto above.  That represents me.  Three days ago, I spent 3 hours in my appointment with my Honors Advisor, Donna.  Poor Donna didn't know what I had in store for her.  I made the decision to change my major.  

Ever since 1st grade, I have wanted to become an elementary school teacher.  I love kids, and have a passion for teaching, and that was what I was going to be-a teacher...right? That's what I thought at least...then my sophomore year comes along. I took on the responsibility of working the social media accounts for Cyclebar, the TCU Fitness portion of the Rec center, and for my residence hall where I am an RA at.  I work to create posts that entice my followers to buy cycle packages, come to programs, or attend fitness classes.  I grew a passion in being able to use my creativity to entice a certain audience and get them to do something.  

​After feeling uneasy and stressed about why these feelings of change were pushing me to do something about them, I finally felt at peace after my 3 hours of torturing my advisor to create a plan that would allow me to do what I want.  I declared myself as a Strategic Communications Major with a integrated concentration in both Advertising and Public Relations, and a double minor in Education and Graphic Design.  

When I told my parents, I wasn't really sure what to expect.  My dad told me to do what I loved, that that was the most important thing.  That's why I put "Follow your Heart" above the contemplating girl.  

The random gold globe of the world was because I think the collage needed a touch more of gold, but also because I want to study abroad now.  I used to not be much a fan of travel, but I want to go to London, and my major can let me do that now.  I hope I get the opportunity to go to Europe one day. 

I also cut out a card my mom gave me in a care package last year that had a quote from Audrey Hepburn.  I cut out the part that said that the prettiest girls were the happiest ones.  I guess I needed a confidence boost or something after my dad told me to do what made me happy.  Lately, I've struggled a lot with body image, and how I looked.  I think this was something I put on my collage to remind myself that beauty comes from within. 

For someone like me who loves to have it altogether, today I stand with a different perspective.  After reflecting on my sophomore year, I have realized that one of the most beautiful things of life is the inevitable uncertainty it throws at us throughout...like a paintball to the nose.  It may startle or even hurt us at first, but it's all part of a big masterpiece in the making. ​