The thing about guilt

This morning I was trying to figure out what reading I wanted to start my day with. A few weeks ago, I passed by my friend, Megan in the BLUU (TCU cafeteria) where she was doing her daily devotional while eating breakfast. We are both very much morning people. I say hello as I pass by and she excitingly talks about an article of guilt and shame in a new light. She sent it to me to read, but I never opened it until today.

The thing about guilt and shame is that no one wants to think about it.When it exists, we try to push it away and hope it goes away with time, but these feelings are actually very much like wake up calls.

In this article by Zondervan, it talks about how guilt is actually a good thing, while shame is not. God uses guilt to bring about redemption in our lives. By repenting, we tell God that what we are doing is not healthy or right, and we ask for forgiveness; of course, God washes away our sin and guilt as white as snow because of who He is. God is simply convicting us for our wrongs through guilt because He cares about us like a Father. He wants the best for us. He is the one and only true, faithful father who promises us a hope in a forever life with Him.
On the other hand, the article says that shame is actually worldy sorrow. The Bible says…

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death”. — 2 Corinthians 7:10

Shame is not healthy; it actually draws us away from God by constantly telling us that we aren’t good enough. Luckily, we have a God who sent his one and only son to the cross to die the worst death possible in order to become sin to take away our sin. Because of him, there is no reason to be ashamed. We are loved so dearly by a God who will be constantly pursuing us towards Him, even if it means through convicting us with feelings of guilt. We feel guilt because He cares, and shame is no battle for His almighty power.

One thing that confuses me about this is that it can be easy to mush shame and guilt as synonyms and use them interchangeably. How can we distinguish one from the other? During my season of doubt these past two weeks, I told people how I felt ashamed and guilty for questioning God’s presence. However, through this journey of getting to know the Lord better, and him pursuing me with encounters that don’t have any other explanation than His existence, I learned that a big part of defining the two words is by defining the next step. You can condemn yourself for your feelings and become bitter and even more ashamed of yourself, or you can press into a greater power who is capable of anything you ask for. I was careful when I said “anything you ask for” because that is something I struggle with in that I don’t think that God gives me anything I ask for. However, I do ask for his presence in my life, and circumstances and situations should not define the “anything you ask for” aspect, but instead the “He cares and will walk with you in the encounters you experience to convict us more and more towards Him.”

Life is messy. It is hard, draining, maybe even depressing. Shame is so easily attached to these feelings as we have this desire in our hearts to live a purposeful life, whatever that means. Whenever something throws us off our path, shame filters in and makes us feel like we have failed, and that we will never be good enough. Well, I will tell you now…actually God will tell you now,

Come now, and let us reason together,’ ” says the Lord, ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool’ (Isaiah 1:18).

White as snow. That doesn’t sound a lot like shame or sin or brokenness to me. That sounds like cleansed, loved, and pure. That is a happy life; an inspiring, purposeful, and full-of-joy one.

Wherever you are in your life right now, you are there for a reason. In fact, you are exactly where you need to be in this moment, whether you know it or not. God has a plan for you, and wants to walk with you in it. Let him. The basic “Let go, let God” is so cliche, yet so true.

This week, I have learned to press into every moment in my life, both good and bad, and asking God how this very moment is growing me.

I got a parking ticket yesterday morning for being in a spot for 20 minutes. $75 for a 20 minute parking space because I didn’t want to be late to class? Really-is that necessary? Doesn’t whoever this police is have the slightest empathy or decency to understand that I am a poor college student that simply wanted to be successful in my class? But when I took a breath and a moment for myself, I drove myself to the police department, explained my situation, and learned that it was a staff parking lot where so many students illegally parked, leaving staff running late to class.  I thought I was all this in the moment, and then realize that if my professor was late, the shame she would feel in making her 25 students wait for her presence. The lady at the desk gave me an appeal form, I filled it out, and drove to my next class.

I also taught a spin class. A majority of my College Church Team came to support me. Class was energetic, positive, fire, fun, and simply, wonderful. In all the songs, I would increase resistance to the point where we were climbing a steep, steep hill. People would groan, woot, and shout, as we rode to the beat of the music and pushed our body to places we’ve never gone before. In this steep, heavy resistance climb, I constantly repeated, “I’m with you. I’m with you.” I don’t have to keep the same resistance as my riders. In fact I probably shouldn’t. As an instructor, I have every right to lower the gear so that I can give my riders the best ride possible. It’s not about me, it ‘s about them. I could look like I had it way more together by riding with less gear at any point in the class. However, every single time I looked up from by bike, and to all my riders in class, I saw determination, strength, and obedience that encouraged me to do the same. In that moment, I knew that strength isn’t always defined by power. Strength is cultivated with community. As I was riding, I yelled out a heavy resistance gear, and turned it up right with them. “I’m with you, I’m with you.” As I was saying this to my class, Brea, a young woman discipling me, told me that in those words, she heard God telling me the same thing: “I’m with you, I’m with you.” I never thought about that. I always prayed to God to motivate me to motivate others, but never thought about it in him being physically in me. His holy spirit was in me during this class, and he was with me, like he is in every one. God is always with us, and we just have to let him in.

Sometimes, humility is the greatest strength you can give to people. It shows that although you can show you have it all together, you put community over yourself and join the ride with others. I was tired, I groaned, I sweat to the point that my hands were slipping off the handlebars. But when I looked up to my people again, I had no other reaction but the same determination, strength, and obedience, maybe even more.

I went way off topic from this article I wanted to share, but other than the power of guilt, there is power in humility. God convicts us through many ways such as guilt or circumstances that teach us to live a humble life in that although we are broken, sinful, and hurt, we are also strong, determined, and loved by Him.

This week, I will hold close to this truth of our lives: You are exactly where you are supposed to be, right here, right now. Press into every single encounter, circumstance, and situation, and watch God work in your life in incredible ways. It’s a good life, y’all; you just have to let Him in first.
​
Happy Wednesday, peeps! We are half way there! :)